


sleepless nights

by stayalittlewhile



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Fluff, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Multi, Short & Sweet, and lily is just lovely, remus can't sleep, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-16 23:21:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29090457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stayalittlewhile/pseuds/stayalittlewhile
Summary: in which Remus can't sleep and finds solace in the girls' dorm
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Kudos: 38





	sleepless nights

**Author's Note:**

> just a little something because i adore the friendship between lily and remus and it's not talked about enough. this fits with atyd, in my head it takes place some time late in their seventh year, after lily and james get together and (spoiler alert!) everyone finds out about remus and sirius. also heads up it's all soft but a little sad. enjoy :)

He had been tossing and turning for hours. Remus was sure he was driving Sirius up the wall, throwing off the duvet only to get too cold, curling up into him only to get aches and have to stretch out. They'd been in bed for hours, but he'd barely had a wink of sleep. If Sirius was annoyed, however, he didn't show it, which only made Remus feel worse. Every few hours he would turn over and pull Remus into him, arms tight around his waist, head buried in his curls. This was nice for a time, but Remus would always get uncomfortable and have to extract himself, waking Sirius and unsettling them both all over again. 

At 2 o'clock he'd had enough. There was no way he would get to sleep now, and nothing seemed to be remedying his insomnia. Counting sheep just made his head hurt, listing off books he'd read just confused him, and even trying to make up stories in his head got all muddled and foggy. With a growl he sat up and pushed off the covers, looking over at the lump in the sheets that was Sirius. The other boy continued to sleep soundly, the only visible sign of his presence being the dark hair splayed across the pillow. He slept curled up like an animal, arms clutched around his body and eyes screwed tightly shut. Beautiful thing, Remus thought sadly as he watched Sirius sleep. Beautiful thing. 

He remembered Lily's comment from the other night. They’d been gathered around the fire in the common room as usual, James stretched out on the hearth as he always was, Sirius and Marlene giggling over something with their heads together. Remus had felt especially grumpy, having gotten no sleep, and when he'd voiced this particular aliment Lily had quirked an eyebrow and responded, 'Well Remus there's always room in my bed for you.'

The comment had made James shoot up and stare, bewildered, between Remus and Lily, and Lily had simply smirked at him before returning to her book. Now, sitting up in the darkness, Remus wondered if she might really have meant it. There was no way he'd persuade Sirius to get out of bed at this hour, and he was silently desperate for some company. It was worth a try. After all, it was certain that James wasn't in Lily's bed; in the darkness Remus could hear him snoring softly, one arm hanging out of his bed. 

Mind made up, he clambered groggily out of bed and crept across the dorm, pushing open the door ever so gently to avoid the creak that had only worsened since their first year. Out in the corridor he shivered and wondered for a moment what on earth he was doing, preparing to prowl into the girls' dormitory in the dead of night. He would be expelled before Thursday. 

Nevertheless he pushed down the stairs and tiptoed across the common room until he reached the staircase leading to the girls' rooms. He made it to their door, marked with a chalkboard enchanted to glitter the words: 'Mary, Marlene and Lily! Warning: you may get it but you won't get out!' in Mary's scrawling hand, and below, 'if you're sirius black or james potter, kindly piss off!', which been deftly rubbed out, leaving a silvery mark. Remus chuckled to himself as he opened the door tentatively, recalling the time in fourth year when James had tried to sneak into their room to recruit Lily's help for a prank. He'd ended up with singed hair and broken glasses, but had returned to the common room full of joy. Now of course, that notice was long forgotten; James had spent more and more time in the girls' dormitory since September, much to Sirius' indignation. 

In the darkness of their room he could make out three beds, all forming a semi-circle like in Remus' own dorm, and a door at the other end leading to a bathroom. There was a desk against the window between Mary and Lily's beds, and a fireplace where the embers of a fire were quietly smoking out. He made for the middle bed and pulled gently at the curtains. Inside Lily stirred and sat bolt upright, reaching for her wand. 

'Lily it's me, Remus,' he whispered urgently, ever wary of Lily Evans when she had her wand. She was much too talented to be crossed; you'd end up in the hospital wing and somehow feeling you'd deserved it.

'Remus? What's-are you okay-what's happened?'

She sounded sleepy, but there was an edge of panic in her voice as she moved forward so that they were face to face.

'Nothing's happened,' Remus responded, feeling embarrassed to admit the real reason he was there. 'It's just-I can't...sleep...'

He felt himself blush in the darkness, but Lily lent forward and reached for his hand, catching him by surprise. 

'Well come in then,' she half whispered, half giggled, and then pulled back to allow Remus to scramble into bed beside her.

He felt suddenly bashful, realising that the only person he'd shared a bed with before was Sirius, discounting the awkward occasion he, James and Sirius had all piled into James' bed. He was much too big to be crawling in with someone else unannounced, but it was Lily, and her tiny body only took up a fraction of the bed as he let her guide him under the covers. They lay on their sides, heads close together, and in the darkness Lily's eyes glowed like orbs. They were silent for a moment, Remus feeling a lovely warm calm settling over his body, when she whispered into the darkness.

'Tell me.'

Remus opened his eyes and they stared at each other for a long moment before he gulped and opened his mouth to speak,

'I just, I can't fucking sleep. It's like every time I get comfortable, my brain starts whispering things and I get all shaken up. Even sharing with Sirius doesn't help, my head just decides to buzz all night long and it means he doesn't get any sleep which makes me feel worse and then I figure I shouldn't have started any of it in the first place,' he could feel himself getting choked up but ploughed on, desperate to tell her, 'and I'm scared for the war, and leaving school, and what happens to us all afterwards,' he felt thick teardrops begin to run from his eyes and let them fall, for the first time in forever, he let them fall. 'And you and James, you love each other so much, and what happens to that when we have to fight in a fucking war, and I just, it's so stupid...'

Under the covers he felt Lily entwine their fingers and he took a deep, shuddering breath. The tears wouldn't stop, but Lily simply whispered,

'It's okay, Remus, it's okay...'

Finally he met her eyes and whispered the one thing he'd kept back, the one thing he'd barely admitted to himself. The one thing that had really been keeping him up at night:

'And Sirius. I'm so scared of losing him Lily. I just, you know what he's like. He doesn't fucking think sometimes and I just, I can't do it without him. Any of this.'

With that he buried his head in the front of her pyjamas and sobbed, and she let go of his hands and snaked her arms around his body and held him, so tightly. And the buzzing in his head stopped.

They stayed like that for a while. Soon he managed to control his tears and sniffled loudly, breathing in Lily's cotton and candyfloss scent. At some point he heard her whisper a silencing charm around the bed, and thought with a blush about his use of that same spell, only hours earlier, in his own bed. He extracted himself carefully from her arms and they went back to staring at each other in the darkness. Lily smiled softly and he smiled softly back. Eventually she reached out and stroked his hair, whispering quietly to him.

'I'm scared too.'

He blanched at that and looked at her, as if seeing her anew. Here she was, Lily Evans, the strongest and bravest girl he knew, the brightest witch in their year group, scared. Remus looked into her eyes and suddenly she was a child again, suddenly they were all children, tiny and so, so afraid of the future that awaited them. 

Lily held his gaze and kept going,

'It's really fucking scary, you know? And I'm not ashamed of being scared. I don't know why the fuck any of this is happening, but it is, and there's nothing any of us can do and-' she gulped and Remus saw that there were tears brimming her eyes. 'And it's shit. But you don't have to do it on your own Remus. None of us do. We've got each other, and we always will do. So just-just talk, okay? Come and climb in my bed whenever you want,'

They both laughed at that and then went silent for a moment, trying not to cry.

'You've got us, Remus. You'll always have us.'

She meant it, and surrendered him a small, sad smile, and he leant up and kissed her, ever so gently, because she was so real and concrete in front of him, in fact she might have been the only real thing in the world, and because he was so grateful for her, and that seemed like the best way to show it. She kissed him back, just for a moment, and then he wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her hair, his lips all salty from crying. 

And Remus fell asleep.

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed, i might add to it at some point but idk. lots of love xoxo


End file.
